dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Randomize
