glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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