did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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