Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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