The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
