i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
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