I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
