You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
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