so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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