Is it normal to miss your booty call?
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Randomize