i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
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