If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
