I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
