No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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