I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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