idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
