Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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