I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
