youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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