Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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