Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
