My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize
