Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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