Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Randomize
