my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
