I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
