it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
She announced her abortion via fbk
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
