My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
should my penis look like a turkey
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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