This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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