I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize