Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
