I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
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