I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
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