i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
