God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
i will never coherently bang her
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Randomize