She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
