the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
