Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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