Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
My legs feel like baby dolphins
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Randomize
