i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Randomize
