then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
