Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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