To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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