you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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