i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize