who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Im part way to drunk.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize
