So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
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