So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
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