He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
