I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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