My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Randomize
