Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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