we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
