the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
