we're blogging at a bar
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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