winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
