I feel like I'm in dance class right now
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
You're a waste of cheezeits
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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