drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
