Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
