If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
