soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
nutella sex= disaster
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Randomize
