I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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