Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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