My hand turned me down
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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