He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
