There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
