i can't believe i had my finger in that
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Randomize
