So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
