there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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