you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
