I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
