He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
