that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
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