You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
