yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
only you would photoshop your dick
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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