do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Randomize
