Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
