before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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