Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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