They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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