I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
