I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
foreskin is a definite game changer
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
