as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
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