Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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