I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
