pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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