I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
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