Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
