Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
he shaved USA in his pubs
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
