My friends, they love my intelligence
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Randomize
