You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
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