you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
