piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
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