it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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