Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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