Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
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