I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize